Nathan

I am on a mission today. I have a poem I wrote several years ago on the death of my cousin in a car accident called the Language of Flowers. In light of several events I’ve been looking for it. I’ll find it and I’ll post it.

I’ve lived, it seems, a very cautious life; jumping out of airplanes, climbing rock faces, driving motorcycles at 100 mph, wandering the world. When I was at University of Colorado and a silly lad of 17 I climbed up the side of an dormitory called Willy Villy, a new high rise with window wells that were like rock “chimneys” I just crept up using my hands and feet as friction devices until I got to the fourth floor and knocked on a window. At that point I decided to walk down the stairs. My favorite form of bicycling is riding in city traffic. I’m just so much more efficient than the cars. I’ll take my space out of the middle of the road thank you very much.

My caution takes a slightly different form; I have never had a drink of alcohol. I grew up in the 70s and there was plenty of everything available. Plenty. Everything. Sewell Hall seventh floor, a guy called spaceman, and not because he was studying astrogeophysics.

I watched people consume small quantities and huge quantities of alcohol. The result was always the same; it changed their behavior. Always. Sometime that was the goal and sometime just the effect. I had a hard enough time dealing with people on a regular basis without becoming impaired. I prefer to be an idiot on my own terms without the chemical inducement.

It was also a bit of a scary thing too. Sometime people changed permanently. Sometime it wasn’t enough of a change and they kept upping the dose, upping potency changing to more exotic chemicals. It was very cool. And so damn enticing. “Parker, you don’t know what you’re missing, Dude.” .... Exhale. And I didn’t. But I never really wanted to see how far my own self-control went, where could I stop. Frankly, I was afraid that it was exactly as I was told, euphoric, and I would go there and never come back. I didn’t want to not come back.

Last night, two very good friend of mine’s son died of an overdose. Nate was a very fine young man who will be sorely, deeply missed. I cannot imagine what it is to lose a child. I do not want to know.

These days people complain about the alcohol problem of youngsters. The drinking age has been put back to 21 but drinking continues to grow ever more prevalent. The schools pass rules, cops clamp down, colleges have programs, advertising tells us what to do, but everyone says, “Well, it’s inevitable” and “a right of passage” and “They have to learn about it somehow.” I don’t agree. As a parent the only thing I can do is explain why I never took a drink, explain that they have a choice and should think about what they do and why.

The most interesting thing for me is that my friends “back in the day” as Weaselboy would say, accepted my choice as one of the options, accepted that is who I was. As an adult I find much more ridicule and pressure to conform to the drinking “norm”. I made the right choice for me. We all make our own choices. That is what makes us individuals. That is what makes us free.

You will be missed Nate.

peace.